I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
