am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
