Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
