If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
