Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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