well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
