If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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