Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
