piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
