my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
