ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
