ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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