Pants 0. Shit 1.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
