i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
