3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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