fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
