Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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