Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
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I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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