I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
