So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
