Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
