i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
