WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
