We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
