I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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