theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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