She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
