brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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