i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
