remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
