You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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