You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
