Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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