I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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