I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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