wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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