I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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