I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
