You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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