It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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