she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She said her name was "party"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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