low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
