Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
