Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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