pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
