he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
