Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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