I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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