New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
