just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
