Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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