sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
