Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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