Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
