I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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