You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
