I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
