Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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