So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
