Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
