I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
