id be glad to
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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