I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
