grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
