worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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