so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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