I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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