I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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