you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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