I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize
