i don't like sucking hair
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
