Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize