It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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